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14 years and counting

Today marks 14 years of wedded bliss marriage for Dave and I. In all honesty, there were many times in our relationship I didn’t think we’d make it. But I am grateful that here we are, together. When I think about the “how,” I am drawn to the insights of expectation, communication, adventure, and independence. Expectation. If “comparison is the thief of joy,” then expectation is the nuclear bomb decimating a marital landscape. Early on in our marriage, we spent the majority of our time together trying to fit into some preconceived mold of a godly marriage. Me: domestic goddess, children maker, quiet Read More

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a recovering evangelical writes about homosexuality

I sit here at the computer, but my fingers don’t move. They are still, though my heart beats rapidly. I have wanted to write this since June 26th of this year, when a chasm already existent in America deepened to the lava core. But to be honest, I have been afraid: How many people in my life will defriend me for this post? How will I write this? How much questioning of my soul’s state will I bear? How do I even say what I think in any articulate or assertive manner? And then I was invited by the July 2015 Read More

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everyday easters

It’s been a rough couple of weeks around these here parts. Dave has been busy focusing on some consuming work projects; our house is in a constant state of remodeling flux; work for me is picking up with both the testing and senior season; we’ve both been sick. This all adds up to a cacophonous version of the song “Strangers in the Night.” Like two ships that can’t quite find the harbor at the same time, Dave and I have been feeling very disconnected from each other as of late. And so Friday, we remedied that. We spent the day devoted Read More

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childless by choice

I am mindful of the emotional weight a post like the one I’m about to write shoulders. In the proximity of both friends and acquaintances who have painfully toiled with infertility–some with success, some without–it is not fair that Dave and I choose childlessness. To Dave’s parents who long for grandchildren, it is not heartening that their son and his wife deny a course of parenthood. To a culture that views progeny as some form of social and/or religious duty, it is not moral that we enjoy and preserve our life without kids. But we do. And at times we feel guilty for this, Read More

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present. thankful.

Early in the lonely darkness, I wake this morning with a heavy heart; how can the absence of Something, Someone weigh so much? As in yoga, I will not fight this pain’s strain; I will lean into it. I will stay present in the sorrow, to the grief. And even in this, I will give thanks. Yes because it’s a holiday, but also because it’s a holy way. Though I don’t understand it fully nor embrace it completely, grace is more powerful than condemnation, compassion truer than judgment. The Divine, at the deepest core and at the wildest edges, is Love. For Read More

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what I wish I would have known as a newlywed

This post, just like this one, is a part of the Synchroblog series, a group of diverse bloggers exploring through words what matters. This month’s prompt: If I could go back in time and tell myself something I wish I knew… This month marks the 12th(!) marriage anniversary for my best friend and I. And like all relationships, ours was born of a certain context which defined the paradigms of “us.” Our marriage nearly ended after it begun; some of those paradigms created the toxic battle ground on which we almost imploded. So if I could, I would go back and redefine Read More